Previous England leader Lewis Moody has announced he has been diagnosed with motor neurone disease and acknowledged he cannot yet confront the full ramifications of the muscle-wasting condition that took the lives of other rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The middle-aged sportsman, who was involved in the 2003 Rugby World Cup-winning side and won multiple English and European titles with Leicester, spoke to BBC Breakfast a fortnight after finding out he has the condition.
"There's an element of facing the future and being reluctant to really process that at the moment," he stated.
"It's not that I am unaware of where it's heading. We grasp that. But there is definitely a unwillingness to confront the future for now."
Moody, talking alongside his wife Annie, explains conversely he feels "at ease" as he directs his attention to his current wellbeing, his family and planning ahead for when the illness progresses.
"Maybe that's shock or possibly I handle situations uniquely, and once I have the facts, it's simpler," he continued.
Early Symptoms
Moody learned he had MND after observing some weakness in his shoulder area while working out in the gym.
After physiotherapy was ineffective for the condition, a series of scans indicated nerves in his central nervous system had been damaged by MND.
"You're presented with this diagnosis of MND and we're rightly quite moved about it, but it's so strange because I sense that nothing's wrong," he added.
"I don't experience ill. I don't sense poorly
"The signs I have are quite slight. I have some muscle loss in the hand and the shoulder region.
"I continue to be capable of doing all activities. And optimistically that will carry on for as long as is attainable."
Disease Progression
MND can progress swiftly.
According to the organization MND Association, the condition takes the lives of a one-third of people within a year and above half within 24 months of identification, as ingestion and inhalation become increasingly challenging.
Treatment can only delay decline.
"It's never me that I experience sorrow for," added an affected Moody.
"It's about the sadness around having to break the news to my mum - as an single child - and the implications that has for her."
Personal Consequences
Conversing from the family home with his wife and their family dog by his side, Moody was consumed with emotion when he spoke about informing his sons - 17-year-old Dylan and 15-year Ethan - the heartbreaking news, stating: "This was the most difficult thing I've ever had to do."
"These are two excellent boys and that was rather heartbreaking," Moody stated.
"We were seated on the sofa in crying, Ethan and Dylan both wrapped up in each other, then the dog bounded over and commenced cleaning the moisture off our faces, which was quite funny."
Moody said the focus was being in the now.
"There exists no cure and that is why you have to be so strongly focused on just welcoming and appreciating all aspects now," he commented.
"As Annie said, we've been very lucky that the only real determination I made when I concluded playing was to allocate as much period with the kids as feasible. We don't get those times back."
Sportsman Association
Top-level sportspeople are excessively impacted by MND, with investigations suggesting the prevalence of the illness is up to sixfold higher than in the general population.
It is believed that by reducing the air accessible and producing injury to nerve cells, frequent, intense physical activity can trigger the disease in those already predisposed.
Rugby Professional Life
Moody, who won 71 England appearances and competed with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was nicknamed 'Mad Dog' during his professional days, in honour of his brave, relentless method to the game.
He participated through a stress fracture of his leg for a period with Leicester and once caused a practice scuffle with colleague and friend Martin Johnson when, frustrated, he discarded a training equipment and commenced throwing himself into collisions.
After coming on as a replacement in the Rugby World Cup championship win over Australia in 2003, he claimed a ball at the rear of the line-out in the decisive phase of play, creating a foundation for half-back Matt Dawson to attack and Jonny Wilkinson to kick the match-winning field goal.
Support Network
Moody has earlier informed Johnson, who skippered England to that title, and a handful of other previous team-mates about his condition, but the rest will be learning his news with the rest of public.
"We'll have a period when we'll need to lean on their assistance but, at the present, just having that sort of affection and acceptance that people are there is all that matters," he stated.
"Rugby is such a wonderful group.
"I said to the kids the other day, I've had an incredible life.
"Even when it concluded now, I've enjoyed all of it and embraced all of it and got to do it with exceptional people.
"When you have the opportunity to label your love your vocation, it's one of the greatest privileges.
"Achieving this for so extended a period with the squads that I did it with was a delight. And I am aware they will wish to help in whatever way they can and I anticipate having those talks."
